Once a bitter and twisted infertile?

It seems that everywhere I look I am confronted with a baby bump. The grocery store, mall, local parks - you can't get away. I don't know why I am still so aware of these things or why it even bothers me so much. I asked DH if he had noticed there was no escaping them and he hadn't. I'm not sure as to whether it is my inner infertility beast still hard at play or the fact that my long awaited for, hard earned pregnancy was primarily spent lying horizontal.

I didn't get to stroll around the lake holding my husband's hand with the other resting on my stomach. I wasn't able to transport my bump around publicly in a quest to find the prefect items to decorate my nursery. I still haven't had time to do their room. Our "babymoon" was cancelled via doctors orders the day before we were due to fly out. At 25 weeks I was told to stay in bed and to not leave the house. No sex, no baths, no housework. Not to mention my first trimester also spent in bed whilst a subchronic hematoma exited my uterus as messily and painfully as possible. The time in between I actually was allowed to leave the house I would almost crumple onto the supermarket floor with dreadful back spasms. A simple journey for milk and all I wanted to do was to lay down on the cold tiles, curl up and cry.

My girls are here and that is more than I could ask for but why wasn't I given the opportunity to experience a normal and natural conception, pregnancy OR birth? Seeing so many strolling around all la-di-da. Do they even realise how lucky they are? I will never know if my body is just as shit at pregnancy as it is at conception or if it just couldn't handle the impact of a multiple pregnancy. I'm not game enough to tempt fate to find out.